What was the worst meal that you ate out of politeness?
I had a friend in
Australia, a sweet little Malaysian girl. She was just one of the cutest
and friendliest people you’d ever meet. She was at a dinner party of
mine and tasted cheesecake for the first time. Two weeks later, we were
having a big group lunch at a restaurant and she announced she had a
surprise.
“I made cheesecake for everyone! It’s our dessert!”
We
were all pretty happy because, you know, who doesn’t love cheesecake?
It’s awesome and delicious. She pulls it out of the box, though, and
it’s translucent and yellow. It looked like the top half of this image I
found online:
Now,
I know cheesecakes. That’s not a cheesecake and if it is, something’s
gone terribly terribly wrong. She sets it on the table and it jiggles
like Jello. Oh my. She’s got the happiest smile on her face, though-
she’s positively beaming with pride. She dishes us all up slices… big
slices. I watched as my cheesecake jiggled and danced on my plate. There
were about 12 of us all staring at our cheesecake slices knowing this is not right!
“Did you use the right kind of cheese?” I asked.
“Yes!”
“You know you’re supposed to use cream cheese, right? You didn’t use cheddar or something?”
“Of course I used cream cheese!”
We
all took a very cautious bite together. The flavor hit me and all at
once, I knew what she’d used, thinking it was cream cheese:
She watched each of us chew. We pasted on big fake smiles for her. Several of us could have won Oscars for that performance.
“Mmmm,” was all I could manage to verbally express.
She
bounced up and down, giggling and clapping her hands. “I’m so happy you
guys like it!” she said and then left the private dining room we were
in.
With our chef gone, everyone glanced at
each other. Finally, I, being totally fine with being the asshole of the
group, said what needed to be said,
“Oh my god, was that the worst thing you’ve ever tasted?”
The
room erupted into relief as everyone realized they weren’t alone in
enduring this culinary atrocity. After several minutes of agreement and
discussion, I announced,
“She’ll be back any minute. We can’t eat this and we can’t hurt her feelings. We’ve got to get rid of this!”
“Cheese”
cake immediately disappeared into napkins, hidden under plates and
chairs. I looked around in desperation. There was a large potted plant
next to me. I dug a hole in the soil and buried my cheesecake in it. A
dickish move as far as the restaurant was concerned, but that cheesecake
was a crime against humanity. I’m sure the staff would have understood
if they’d tasted it. Seconds later, our happy bubbly friend returned.
“Oh, you all finished your cake! Great, I’m so glad you all liked it!”
We smiled weakly at her.
“Can I dish you up a second slice?”
“Oh no, no, no. We’re much too full. Thank you. Wish I could, you know, but damn… just too full.”
“Well,
I’ve got plenty,” she said. “My boyfriend is coming to visit tomorrow
and I’ve got six more of these waiting in the refrigerator for him.”
That
man married her three years later. If he was able to survive 6
full-sized velveeta cheesecakes and stay with her, that is a level of
commitment I still don’t understand to this day.
Epilogue
One
year later, she very sweetly made me an “American Stew” when I was a
guest at her house. It was super-delicious. 24 hours later, I was
unconscious in the back of an ambulance on my way to the ER with acute
food poisoning.
I had a friend in
Australia, a sweet little Malaysian girl. She was just one of the cutest
and friendliest people you’d ever meet. She was at a dinner party of
mine and tasted cheesecake for the first time. Two weeks later, we were
having a big group lunch at a restaurant and she announced she had a
surprise.
“I made cheesecake for everyone! It’s our dessert!”
We
were all pretty happy because, you know, who doesn’t love cheesecake?
It’s awesome and delicious. She pulls it out of the box, though, and
it’s translucent and yellow. It looked like the top half of this image I
found online:
Now,
I know cheesecakes. That’s not a cheesecake and if it is, something’s
gone terribly terribly wrong. She sets it on the table and it jiggles
like Jello. Oh my. She’s got the happiest smile on her face, though-
she’s positively beaming with pride. She dishes us all up slices… big
slices. I watched as my cheesecake jiggled and danced on my plate. There
were about 12 of us all staring at our cheesecake slices knowing this is not right!
“Did you use the right kind of cheese?” I asked.
“Yes!”
“You know you’re supposed to use cream cheese, right? You didn’t use cheddar or something?”
“Of course I used cream cheese!”
We
all took a very cautious bite together. The flavor hit me and all at
once, I knew what she’d used, thinking it was cream cheese:
She watched each of us chew. We pasted on big fake smiles for her. Several of us could have won Oscars for that performance.
“Mmmm,” was all I could manage to verbally express.
She
bounced up and down, giggling and clapping her hands. “I’m so happy you
guys like it!” she said and then left the private dining room we were
in.
With our chef gone, everyone glanced at
each other. Finally, I, being totally fine with being the asshole of the
group, said what needed to be said,
“Oh my god, was that the worst thing you’ve ever tasted?”
The
room erupted into relief as everyone realized they weren’t alone in
enduring this culinary atrocity. After several minutes of agreement and
discussion, I announced,
“She’ll be back any minute. We can’t eat this and we can’t hurt her feelings. We’ve got to get rid of this!”
“Cheese”
cake immediately disappeared into napkins, hidden under plates and
chairs. I looked around in desperation. There was a large potted plant
next to me. I dug a hole in the soil and buried my cheesecake in it. A
dickish move as far as the restaurant was concerned, but that cheesecake
was a crime against humanity. I’m sure the staff would have understood
if they’d tasted it. Seconds later, our happy bubbly friend returned.
“Oh, you all finished your cake! Great, I’m so glad you all liked it!”
We smiled weakly at her.
“Can I dish you up a second slice?”
“Oh no, no, no. We’re much too full. Thank you. Wish I could, you know, but damn… just too full.”
“Well,
I’ve got plenty,” she said. “My boyfriend is coming to visit tomorrow
and I’ve got six more of these waiting in the refrigerator for him.”
That
man married her three years later. If he was able to survive 6
full-sized velveeta cheesecakes and stay with her, that is a level of
commitment I still don’t understand to this day.
Epilogue
One
year later, she very sweetly made me an “American Stew” when I was a
guest at her house. It was super-delicious. 24 hours later, I was
unconscious in the back of an ambulance on my way to the ER with acute
food poisoning.
What was the most embarrassing moment in front of your parents?
This was the most embarrassing moment for me till now.
It
happened during my preparation for IIT-JEE. I was living in boys hostel
in Delhi. Over the time, I had made few really nice friends. We tried
our first beer during those days only and that too my room was selected
for this worthy ceremony of drinking beer for first time. All the
kingfisher beer cans were left in my room.
Also,
those were not the days of smart phones and we had no access to explore
our personal fantasies due to lack of access to Adult movies :). So,
one of my friend came up with this grand idea of finding debonair
magazines which contained images of hot models and other interesting
stuff. Something like this:
We had brought condoms also last night just to see how they look and what are they like. I had kept them inside my almirah.
My room was the central hub for all the fun from drinking to playing cards to going through all the magazines everything.
In addition to this, I used to cut the images of actresses from Delhi times and would paste them on the wall. This was my first hostel experience and I had decided to made my room complete bachelor pad. It had become something like this:
Now, comes the suspense part.
It
was nice day and I was in deep morning sleep. My phone rang and I
thought who the hell is calling so early. To my surprise and ultimate
1000 volts shock, it was my Dad. He had planned to give me surprise
visit. I was like
I
asked him, where are you right now hoping he might be at railway
station and I could clean this mess up. I am cursing my stars right now,
he was just 5 mins away from my hostel. I wanted to disappear that very
moment. I looked around my room and there were beer cans, condom, debonair magazines, some erotic novels, actresses images on walls and what not. I knew game was over and no one could save me from this upcoming disaster.
Now,
in those 5 mins I managed to pack beer canes and put them in the bottom
of my almirah. Hide those magazines under my bedding. I just hide those
actresses images by pasting big newspaper on the wall above them.
Door
knocked, and I was feeling like I am in some thriller movie where some
intruder had came inside my house. I was so not willing to open the
door. Finally I opened the door . Dad came inside and looked around the
room and gave me plain look. I knew he would thoroughly search my room
as this was my first time in hostel. First he looked at those newspapers
which were hiding actresses images.
He: Why newspapers on the wall?
Me: For my rough purpose. While studying I do rough work on them
Those stupid words came out in nervousness.
He : But there is no rough work there. Why the hell you have put them there?
Me : I have not done till now, but the purpose is that only.
I
don’t know, what clicked his mind, he went close to them and removed
from one corner. Probably, I am a bad liar in front of my parents.
He turned towards me and said:
He: So, this is your rough work?
I
was silent. He sat down on the bed and gave me weird look. I knew he
just sat on the debonair magazines. He pulled out two of them and was
staring them. After 1 minute, he threw them again on bed murmuring
something. I wanted to say common don’t pretend as if you didn’t like
them. :(
Then he went towards almirah. Opened
it and found those beer cans in the bottom. He pulled them out and threw
them in the room. Looking further he found condoms.
I was like “God, show at least some mercy on me, at least you could had saved me from condoms” :(
He turned towards me giving a disgusted look like this and said:
“I thought you were preparing for IIT-JEE”
I wanted to disappear, faint, go inside the deepest hole in this earth at that very moment.
Finally he sat down on the bed and said:
“thank god, I didn’t bring your mom for this surprise visit. It turned out to be a surprise for me”.
What was the most embarrassing moment in front of your parents?
The Boxer moment !!
It was usual college day for me. Came back early from college that afternoon. And being a guy we have this liberty that we don't need to change before hitting the bed , just shed our T and jeans.
Scene one
So there I was around 4pm on my bed in my boxer shorts and no one home. I was fast asleep when door bell rang. Sleepy me thought it was mom returning back from her morning shift. So I got up, walk towards door open it and without even noticing who is at door I turn back towards my bed.
"Excuse me sir" I heard . She was some college girl, marketing student I guess on her field work. I was so sleepy that I didn't even hear what she was marketing I was like sorry not interested.
Now the scene at my doorstep is like this .. me standing just in my boxer shorts near the door, the girl outside taking her bag back on her back and just behind her through the stairs enters MOM..
It seemed so as if she is hurriedly leaving my apartment. And I realized this and went in to put some pant on myself :p I was totally embarassed, already thinking about what all my mom would be thinking.
Scene two
Me and mom sitting at dining table sipping tea with utter silence for what I know was more than half an hour. She noticed my embarassed face asked in stern voice
"who was she ? "
"I don't know some sales girl"
"Oh is that so ?" suspicious tone.
As I was about start explanation session she burst out laughing.
Me still with straight face expression, not knowing what is going on. Cursing my luck.
Mom goes like this " chill , I saw her at Mehta's doorstep too" "I know she was a marketing girl" .
starts laughing again.
This was the time when I actually didn't do anything embarrassing still was embarrassed to the core.
What is the most embarrassing yet funniest moment of your life?
This happened a week back. It was my
girlfriend's birthday and I had planned a surprise birthday party for
her. There was one common friend involved too. So the place was decided a
week back, and he was supposed to bring her to the place, While I
decided to see If all arrangements were done. The cake, cards, flowers,
everything was perfect. Stupid as it is, my friend forgot the branch
name of the place, I was waiting at Saharaganj and they went to Fun
Republic( Both names of malls in Lucknow). Meanwhile, I couldn't contact
them as my phone was dead. No sooner did I go in search of someone for a
cellphone, I saw My parents there at the same place. I tried to hide,
but my mother saw me.
Dad-"What are you doing here beta?"
Me-"Nothing just waiting for a friend"
Dad-"Ok sit, we all shall wait then"
I hesitated, He insisted.
We sat on a table for 3.
The waiter saw that I had company now, so he( without asking me) bought the flowers and the cake at the table.
Facepalm moment.
Dad opened the cake-"Love you beautiful <3"
What was the most embarrassing moment of your parents in front of you?
This happened long back. My family and I went to our masi's house (aunt) to celebrate her first marriage anniversary.
Chocolate triggerred excitement into me and I came running to them and asked them if I can eat this .There was sheer silence in the room.All looked to each other but nobody uttered a word .My father left the room followed up by my mausa jee(uncle)
Just then my mother snatched the packet from me and told me that this is not something to eat . I started arguing and asked why she's acting so foolish. Chocolates are meant for kids.
Then my mother came up with excuse that these packets are going to be added in the cement to make masi's house more strong and hence not made for eating( my masi's house was being constructed).My inquisitiveness still didn't get satisfied and asked further why is that a chocolate flavour then. She told me that it will give chocolate color to the walls. Matter solved but my insatiable inquisitiveness still not get satisfied. (I heard mother asking masi if that was a place to keep those packets)
Years later I got to know that those chocolate colored packs written chocolate flavour which I insisted to eat were actually condoms.(nobody told me I found out myself).
What was the most embarrassing moment in front of your parents?
My most embarrassing moment in front of my parents is very hilarious.
It was 2011 and I was 16 year old. That is the age when most of teenagers get used to watching porn.
In 2011 Big Boss season 5 was being broadcast on TV and I used to watch it daily as it used to come at same time I used to have dinner. My parents also used to watch it with me while having dinner .
Mid season came a wild card entry in it called Sunny Leone. The retard people of Colors TV showed no details about her until she was in the house. Even I didn't knew anything about her, and I suppose my parents also didn't knew anything. As soon as she made her entry after sometime (I really don't know why) I started saying "maine ise kai baar dekha hai par yaad nhi aa raha kaha" (I have seen her a lot of times but don't know where). Those are the words I still regret. :'(
Later the TV people announce that she is a PORNSTAR, and I was like what did I just said. And then I tried looking my parents and there was no reaction, and I was like Thank God, bach gye . And I thought how stupid I was for worrying about this. How could they know what is a pornstar and went to bed happily.
Next day, I woke up a bit late. My dad was reading newspapers. I went there and sat down with him. After somtime he shows me the newspaper and asks me showing an article with headline in Hindi " Very big pornstar of America enters Indian Show Big Boss 5 " with all detailed description about her and her work. Then he asks me " Beta bahut dekha hai na tumne ise, kaha" (You have seen her a lot, where) , and I was like a thunder fell on me. I was so embarrassed and scared (everyone is scared of his dad) that I could not say anything. After a half an hour silence he finished reading his newspaper and went away. I didn't even think of porn for next few months. Me and my dad were talking alright but we didn't talk about it ever again(neither I want to) but that was a situation I will never forget. I was so super embarrassed.W
The year was 2003.
Air Sahara , Delhi to Srinagar.
I was 11 yrs old, a young excited boy, ready to go on his first flight ever. As fate would have it ,there was a severe traffic jam and we reached the airport just in time for the flight. As a result , the whole family had to sit on seats far apart from each other.
I was given a seat in the business class besides a gentleman...
Here is how the conversation went...
Me - Hello sir
(i used to be very talkative and irritating)
Him- Hello there, son.
Me - Is this your first time on a plane too?
Him - No, i do travel quite often.
Me - Have you ever been to Kashmir before? It is a really beautiful place.
Him - (amused at my eagerness) Actually i belong to Srinagar.
Me - amazing , may be you could show me and my family around...
He gave a gentle smile and said "Sure, Why not?"
I talked continuously for about 15 - 20 mins. on how we should spend the holiday.
Some time later, Dad came to check if I was doing alright.
Me - Dad, Uncle is gonna show us around after we land.
The other guy - your son is really talkative.
Dad - yeah, sorry .Is he disturbing you.(while giving me a death stare)
Him - No worries at all. I would really love to help if I could. Here is my card.
His card read
G. A. Mir
State Minister For Tourism
Jammu And Kashmir
What are the most embarrassing "wrong window" moments you have come across?
Air Sahara , Delhi to Srinagar.
I was 11 yrs old, a young excited boy, ready to go on his first flight ever. As fate would have it ,there was a severe traffic jam and we reached the airport just in time for the flight. As a result , the whole family had to sit on seats far apart from each other.
I was given a seat in the business class besides a gentleman...
Here is how the conversation went...
Me - Hello sir
(i used to be very talkative and irritating)
Him- Hello there, son.
Me - Is this your first time on a plane too?
Him - No, i do travel quite often.
Me - Have you ever been to Kashmir before? It is a really beautiful place.
Him - (amused at my eagerness) Actually i belong to Srinagar.
Me - amazing , may be you could show me and my family around...
He gave a gentle smile and said "Sure, Why not?"
I talked continuously for about 15 - 20 mins. on how we should spend the holiday.
Some time later, Dad came to check if I was doing alright.
Me - Dad, Uncle is gonna show us around after we land.
The other guy - your son is really talkative.
Dad - yeah, sorry .Is he disturbing you.(while giving me a death stare)
Him - No worries at all. I would really love to help if I could. Here is my card.
His card read
G. A. Mir
State Minister For Tourism
Jammu And Kashmir
What are the most embarrassing "wrong window" moments you have come across?
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